I’m not that big on relationships. I don’t know why, maybe it’s because I’m lazy, but with that being said, I have dated, I have been hurt and I have learned my fair share when it comes to dealing with a breakup. SO, I thought I would share what I’ve learned not to do when dealing with a breakup. I’ve most of these (and more lol) and they didn’t work for me so maybe they don’t work for you either. I don’t know. Let’s have a chat, shall we?
Bottle it up – Keeping all your feelings inside without voicing them or getting advice/help for those who care about you and want you to be OK is very common, but it’s also a terrible idea. When you keep things inside they can very well eat you alive and cause you to dwell and suffer in silence. If this works for you and is the only way you can cope then fine, but if you feel comfortable reaching out to others about your breakup, please do so.
Stay home all day and dwell on it – When you’re heart broken the only thing you may want to do is lay in bed, watch Netflix, post deep stuff online, and cry—all day. While this may sound good in theory and is nice for a couple of days, doing this for an extended period of time may not be the best idea. Go for a walk, or a drive or out to lunch. Just get a change of scenery and some fresh air. It may not cure your broken heart but your body will thank you later.
Stalk Them On The Internet – I know, this is very hard not to do, but it’s such an awful idea. You know that Kim Kardashian meme about lurking and getting hurt, but going back to lurk anyways? Lurking your ex after a breakup is like that on crack, especially if you know they’re not as a hurt as you are. You lurking them online won’t change that you two aren’t together anymore and it won’t make them want to come back because chances are they don’t even know you’re doing it. Block them, delete them, whatever, just do what you need to do in order to take a step back from them. Besides, you cannot get over someone when they’re essentially standing right next to you (unless y’all are still friends and you feel fine about it, but that’s a totally different situation).
Stalk His Friends Hoping To See Him – Again, hard to do but bad idea. Seeing your ex having fun with their friends and not you will probably make you feel (even more) awful. Unless you hurt them and want to secretly make sure that they’re OK, I would recommend deleting their friends off your social media. Unless you two have mutual friends, in that case just try to avoid actively looking for your ex in photos with your mutual friends. If you need to ask your friends to keep talk about him to a minimum, then please do that! If they’re really your friends, they’ll understand.
Shut People Out – This goes back to bottling things up inside. Some people really do just want to help you and make sure that you’re OK. I understand wanting to shut people out and wanting to keep to yourself, but sometimes it can be refreshing to get a different point of view and you never know how much that person can help you until you let them. For example, during one of my breakups I had a friend who was home from college during the summer and we would have a “girls night out” every now and then and they were really nice. We would just get dinner, walk around and talk. It was really nice to not think about my breakup for a while and it was good to focus on something else. So do not shut people out, especially good friends who just want you to be well!
Let It Ruin Your Life – Do not, do not DO NOT, let a break up ruin your life. You are so much more than a break up. Turn that pain into power and use it to motivate you to go after what you really want in life, whether that be good grades, career stuff, leisure activities you’ve always want to try, etc. Take the time to try something new, even if it is just a distraction. Who knows, you may try something that you love doing and want to stick with. Breakups and pain are temporary and they ease with time, so use that time wisely to better yourself and your work. And for the love of god, do not let it ruin your life!
Now, I know this isn’t perfect advice for every breakup because every breakup is different. Maybe you and your significant other broke up and are still friends, maybe you two broke up mutually, and that’s fine. I also know that this is tailored more to the “heartbroken dumpee who was a little blindsided/not ready for their relationship to end”. This is just what I’ve personally found that works (and doesn’t work) for me.
But to recap: Let people love you, express your feelings, don’t let this ruin your life and go outside.
Thank you for reading, I hope you found this post funny and helpful. Lots of love xx